Learn a New Point-of-view

Keywords: perspective, conflict, resolution, disagreement, relationships, getting along, point-of-view, emotions, defensive, argument, mindfulness.

 When we get upset about something, it's important that we identify WHY we are upset and think it through until you are able to put it into words. This way, if we have an opportunity to discuss the problem we will be able to explain it to whoever is interested, which gives us an opportunity to SOLVE our problem. Practice your explanation until you are comfortable with it. Try to leave out any accusations or blame. Focus on relating your past experiences that helped shape your current point-of-view.


A good rule of thumb when you have a problem, is to be able to identify what is needed to counteract the problem. In other words: don't just have a problem. Be willing to work toward a solution. So, don't be so quick to attack the next time you have a disagreement with someone. Listen to their point-of-view and then respectfully tell your point-of-view. A solution will usually present itself in the process.


When we don't have the knowledge and the tools to identify our emotions and communicate them, we attack. It's a self-defense mechanism we use instinctively to protect ourselves. The problem is that when we attack first, we're not giving ourselves a chance to learn another point-of-view. Every new point-of-view we can understand or relate to expands our knowledge base that we can then use to plan, strategize, and assess situations and events better. Attacking someone who disagrees with you only drives them away, and with them, your opportunity to learn something new.


Take a deep breath, open your mind and your ears, and listen to someone who doesn't agree with you once in a while. It'll increase your knowledge and help you build stronger bonds in your relationships with others.

What's worse than abuse?

 Keywords: abuse, alienate, alienation, assault, exaggeration, humiliated,  emotional support, fight-or-flight, boundaries, relationships, family, friends, victimization, victim, depression.

Do you know what's worse than being abused or assaulted?


It's coming to the realization that ALL of your friends or family either don't believe you or think you DESERVED it!


These are the people that I don't lie to because I didn't think I needed to. I am careful to not ever exaggerate either - because I don't need to. If anything, I downplay most of the things I tell people about.


But to be intimidated and humiliated by domestic abuse (not my husband or my boyfriend. Just a roommate, but because we share a house its "domestic abuse" rather than assault.), made me feel like standing up for myself. I didn't want to let him hurt me and I needed to really set some boundaries. I turned to my friends and family when I felt I needed to talk it out a bit with someone I trusted, but no one was willing to have a conversation with me about my situation. One by one, they all made it clear to me in their own ways that they were not to be considered a source of emotional support. I was on my own.

THAT'S when I felt like a victim.


It felt worse than the actual abuse. So demoralizing, dehumanizing, devaluing and ignorantly mean. Very discouraging.


You see, after an episode of abuse, the victim goes into a shock-like state. This is not voluntary. It just happens. While in this state, it is nearly impossible to think, plan, strategize, concentrate or remember things because those functions are performed by the part of the brain called the pre-frontal (controls reason) cortex, which the most primitive part of the brain called the amygdala (controls instinct)  automatically blocks access to once its initiated the flight-or-fight response. So that person really needs someone they can trust to sort of guide them through what they need to do once they are in this trance-like state.

 Women who don't have the support of their friends or family during a period of abuse are much more likely to think they "deserved" it and 40% more likely to stay in the abusive relationship, probably because they feel they have no where to go and no one who cares. Many slip into depression and may even begin to have unwanted suicidal thoughts.


Let me clarify what I mean by 'depression' because I think most people, even though they've heard over and over that depression is a medical condition, they still think it means really sad. Depression is a disease that literally disorganizes a person's brain. That is some serious shit. Also, people with depression are more susceptible to other unhealthy conditions such as diabetes and cancer.According to some studies, people with depression are more likely to be dead within ten years than those without.


Bottom line is this: If you know someone who says they are being abused, don't make it worse by blaming them or rolling your eyes at them. At the very least, let them have a conversation with you about it before you decide they are lying. Also, DO  NOT LIE ABOUT being abused - ever! It's wrong on so many levels.


Just give your loved ones the benefit of the doubt once in a while and try to err on the side of compassion.

Useable News from the World of Psychology

Keywords:  neurotic, emotions, gestures, dominant, powerful, guilt, testosterone, immune defense, security, risk, money, happiness, statins, dementia, aerobic, brain, cognitive decline, learning.

 I came across the following interesting facts during my research and thought, even though they aren’t about sociopaths, they are fascinating – and useful.

1.      NEUROTICISM isn’t the same as Crazy. It is simply the tendency to experience negative emotions, such as anxiety or guilt. Therefore, most people misuse the word neurotic, believing it to have negative connotations. Ironically, NOT being neurotic is a key indicator of a psychopath because psychopaths never feel remorse, guilt, anxiety or fear.

2.      DOMINANT ANIMALS show their status by using EXPANSIVE POSTURES. Studies show that, in humans, striking a DOMINANT POSE, one that takes up more space, will not only make you appear more powerful, but it will actually lower your cortisol levels and spike your testosterone levels so that you are more powerful.  (Carney, Columbia Business School)

Image courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-
Angsulee / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

3.      HIGH TESTOSTERONE LEVELS can lead to elevated aggression, but it can also make you more cooperative with others – if that’s what it takes to achieve the desired goal.  Apparently testosterone is more interested in achieving the goal than in how it is done.  (Eisenegger, Univ. of Zurich)

4.      Want to boost your IMMUNE SYSTEM?  Researchers have found that simply looking at pictures of sick people will elevate the immune response by about 24%.  (Schaller, et.al., Univ. of British Columbia)

5.      The more secure of an ATTACHMENT we have with our MOM, the more willing we are take RISKS. In fact, when faced with a decision where the choices have varying degrees of risk, the touch of any woman will elevate feelings of security, making it easier to take those risks.  (Levav, Columbia University)  Unless you are a psychopath because they can’t  form attachments and they enjoy taking risks anyway.

Image courtesy of Micheal Elliott
/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

6.      Having MONEY might be able to buy HAPPINESS, but thinking about money significantly lowers our ability to savor even simple pleasures, like eating a piece of chocolate. (Quoidbach, Univ. of Liège in Belgium)

7.      The most widely prescribed drugs in the world, CHOLESTEROL LOWERING STATINS like Lipitor, Crestor and Zocor, can cause COGNITIVE SIDE-EFFECTS like fuzzy thinking, forgetfulness and learning problems – symptoms that are often misdiagnosed as dementia.  Simply switching medications will often correct the problems.  (Golomb, Univ. of Calif. @ Irvine)

8.      REGULAR AEROBIC exercise has been shown to improve INTELLECTUAL FUNCTION regardless of age. It also helps decrease cognitive decline and delays the onset of dementia later in life.  (Kramer, Univ. of Illinois)

image courtesy of j.o.h.n. Walker
/ CreativeCommons.com

9.      GESTURING while you talk frees up brain power for other simultaneous tasks, such as gauging the interest of your listeners or recalling important details in the correct chronological order for a  long story. GESTURING while learning also helps your brain to remember things more accurately and for longer than if you didn’t move your hands at all.  (Goldwin-Meadow, Univ. of Chicago)

10.  Hand gesturing helps KIDS LEARN FASTER AND BETTER too.  When kids are learning a new concept  and are trying to explain it back to you, if their hand gestures do not match what they are saying, (no, they are not lying) it means they are on the verge of understanding a new concept.  This is the perfect time to give them the information they need to solidify that concept because they’ll RETAIN THAT NEW KNOWLEDGE better and longer than at any other time.  For example, say they are learning how to solve a math problem that involves addition.  As they are talking it out, they  SAY “minus” but their  first two fingers twist together as if to say ‘combine’. THAT’S your moment to really cement that concept into their fertile minds.  (Goldwin-Meadow, Univ. of Chicago)

Most of these items were found in the September/October 2010 issue of Scientific American Mind. Where appropriate,  I’ve listed the lead researcher and where the study took place after each item.

 Keywords: neuroticism, neurotic, news, dominant, posture, powerful, testosterone, aggression, cooperation, goal, immunity, immune system, risk, mom, choices, money, happiness, chocolate, cholesterol, statins, Crestor, Zocor, dementia, aerobic, intelligence, age, gesture, gesturing, learning,

9 Easy-to-Identify Signs of a Sociopath

keywords: sociopath, empathy, conscience, psychopath, deception, honesty, relationships, love, domestic violence, oppression, fear, trust, emotions, common traits, strategies, damage, pain, cheating, lying, liars, pathological liars, antisocial personality disorder, superiority complex, ego, pity, friends, family, temper tantrum, rage, abuse, impulse control, impulsive, hypocrite, responsibility, accountability.

How to Spot a Sociopath or Psychopath Before You Become A Target

A sociopath is someone who is essentially devoid of a conscience. That means that no matter how bad of an effect they have on other people, they will never feel bad. They have no remorse for their long history of violating others, for their deception, lies and oppression of others. They are unable to form intimate relationships, and their sense of entitlement along with their superiority complex makes it easy for them to use others like I use Kleenex at a wedding.

Sociopaths take what they want at other people’s expense – be it material things like money, cars, and jewelry, or intrinsically held  valuables such as your reputation or your dignity - and never feel the slightest bit guilty. Rather, they look back back on all their conquests of others with a sense of smug satisfaction and pride in their ‘work’; feeling totally justified in everything they do.

To a sociopath, the purpose of everyone else’s existence is to be THEIR tool or THEIR toy to do with what THEY please. A sociopath may choose you as his target simply because you are there. They lure their intended victim in by becoming whatever that person needs at that moment – a shoulder to cry on, a crazy night out, your soul mate. They gain their victim’s trust and lull them into a false sense of security.  The victim has no idea what’s about to happen.

Once the sociopath knows his target’s defenses are down, they strike. Promises get broken, obligations are not met, considerations are not given. Depending on the nature of the relationship, the type of harm inflicted on the target may vary from stealing their life savings to destroying their career to breaking their heart.  These poor souls never seem to  know what hit them. They are left stunned and confused wondering, ”what did I do wrong?”

But that’s the wrong question because it’s not about YOU or anything YOU did. It’s completely about THEM and THEIR need to cause pain and turmoil in order to confirm their power and superiority over others. The sociopath’s past is inevitably littered with unfortunate victims who did NOTHING to deserve the nightmare inflicted on them.

I want to make  sure this is VERY clear:  The victims of sociopaths DID NOTHING TO  DESERVE the anguish the sociopaths inflict on them.  Have you ever heard the expression: “It’s not you, it’s me.” Well in this case, “It’s not you, it’s them.”

  With a staggering 1 in 25 people being sociopathic, chances are you'll cross paths with at least a few in your lifetime. Think of 25 people you know right now, odds are at least one of them is a sociopath.

If you are like me, you're running through your mental rolodex as fast as you can right now to see if you know any of these monsters.  You are probably thinking to yourself "I don't know anyone like that!"  After all, you'd KNOW if someone was a sociopath. If a crazy person was in your midst, you would FEEL it. Right?

The answer is: No. Probably not.  Unfortunately, sociopaths look and can act just like the rest of us. Other than the lack of a conscience, which they are masters at concealing, there is no obvious  feature that makes them easy to spot. That’s a problem because we want to be able to identify any potential danger before it reaches us and, as far as dangerous things go, sociopaths are near the top of the list – just under lions, cobras, active volcanoes and F5 tornadoes.

There ARE, however, a few defining characteristics of their personality that can be fairly easy to identify ONCE YOU KNOW WHAT TO LOOK FOR. It is CRITICAL that we develop reliable ways of identifying the signs of an imminent danger approaching so we can protect and defend ourselves and our loved ones. So, where do we begin?   

We begin where we always do – at the beginning.  See, whether you realize it or not, whenever you meet someone, the first thing your brain tries to do is decide if this new person is safe for you and your family to be around.  We try to ‘size them up,” so to speak. The result is referred to as our First Impression.

We all want to make a good First Impression. So we put our best foot forward to try to appear more interesting & interested; more engaging & engaged; more decent; smarter; or whatever so that people will like us.

 To help determine a First Impression, we look for anything about that person that we feel gives us insight into who this guy really is. And I do mean ANYTHING: race, gender, age, weight, clothes, their handshake, their eyes, their mannerisms, an accent, the color or style of their hair, and the list goes on and on.  If we manage to find something about the person that is judgmentable (ok, I made that word up because it fits my purpose. It means “sufficient to make a judgment based on…”), it is usually because we knew someone else with that characteristic. So we  inevitably attribute whatever we knew and felt about that person to this person. This method of loose association may work for us once in a while, but what if that one characteristic is literally the ONLY thing those two people have in common? How accurate can our assessment be? As you can see, it can become a game of hit-and-miss – much like Russian roulette. What we need is to realize that  none of these criteria we use to judge whether or not someone poses a risk to ourselves and loved ones are as useful or as relevant as whether or not they have a conscience.

But you can’t SEE a conscience like you can see, for example, race and gender. As highly evolved as our technique is, it is still evolving. We’d like to think it works perfect all the time. But it doesn’t.  It can be unreliable, uncertain and (gasp!) it can even be wrong. (OMG!)    So what can we do ?

We can learn. We can educate. We can share experiences.

 It is our evolutionary duty as human beings to try to improve ourselves past the previous generation that bore us - and we improve through education. We learn; we solve; we evolve.  But the study of sociopaths, or sociopathy, is a relatively new field so not much is known yet.

So gather up all the info you can find, then add your own observations and findings to it. This is how we, as human beings, can advance our skills and evolve our technique.  It is in this spirit that I share my knowledge and experience here with anyone who wants it.

For the past 3 years I have logged hundreds, maybe even thousands, of hours on line researching anything I could find to help me figure out how to better deal with the sociopaths in my life. I have read books and magazine articles, watched documentaries, and recorded years of observations with the goal of wanting to understand how these people think and what motivates them to treat others like they are inferior and disposable, or worse.

Even though all sociopaths are not the same, there are common features among the vast majority that may give you the advantage if you are astute enough to recognize some of the early warning signals that every sociopath inevitably puts out.

Here are some basic Red Flags that everyone should practice recognizing for their own safety and well-being. 

Red Flags

In the Beginning…the goal of the sociopath is to lure you into their web. They do that by trying to gain your trust. Usually that will involve convincing you that they are your best friend or devoted lover, but they may also try to gain your trust by assuming a professional role such as your financial advisor, lawyer, teacher or even your therapist. A position of authority is ideal because we have a tendency to automatically trust authority figures even though they are strangers to us. We actually need a reason to NOT trust them, rather than vice versa.  It seems weird because it sounds so  illogical, right?

 Well, it IS illogical, and we need to get out of the habit of doing it. We need to stop looking at others through a veil of preconceived notions and learn to judge them with more educated discernment than we ever have before. One in twenty-five is a lot of people, but these techniques will help you identify individuals who will become dangerous even if they are not true sociopaths. Because the goal here is not to haphazardly slap labels on others, our goal is to minimize the damage. It is necessary to catch on to their game in this first stage if you are to have any hope of escaping unscathed.

 Once they’ve got you caught in their web, that’s when their fun begins and damage to you begins. So the trick is to recognize the signs and remove yourself before they can get that far.  Here are some common, easy-to-spot Red Flags that everyone should learn to identify:

1.  Instant Best Friend Act
           

            This is when you meet someone and you have so much in common and get along so great that you become best friends almost instantly. They like everything you like. They believe in the same stuff you believe in. They have the same convictions as you do. They agree with basically everything you say. The more someone is like us, the more we feel we can trust them.  They let you lead the conversation. This makes you feel important, like what you have to say MATTERS to someone. But it is ACTUALLY vital to gaining your trust because this way they don’t have to guess at what you will relate to, they can simply agree with everything you say.

Most people won’t even notice that their new friend never puts forth his or her own independent thoughts or ideas in a conversation. Of course, it’s possible the new guy is still a little shy. If you are unsure, a good strategy is to ask questions that can help you get a clearer understanding as to the extent of their conviction on an issue they’ve agreed with you about. Ambiguous or generalized answers should trigger a Red Flag.  You want answers that are heartfelt and that do not sound rehearsed.

2. The Pity Play
           

            Sociopaths LOVE sympathy. They love it. Sympathy will make you an easier target. When we feel sorry for someone we are far more likely to let that person get with so much more than if they weren’t “going through such a hard time right now.” Not only do we let them get away with more, like being lazy, losing their cool, being rude to others, not cleaning up after themselves, and shirking responsibilities, but we also make excuses for them to rationalize and justify their bad behavior to ourselves and anyone who  complains about it. The sociopath’s favorite thing about sympathy, however, is that we let our guard down because we tend to not feel very threatened by someone we feel sorry for. They seem harmless, but they definitely are NOT.

3. No Family or Friends to Turn To

            This usually goes hand-in-hand with Playing the Victim. How are they going to take advantage of you if you think they have someone else who can help them? Exactly. So whoever they live with is going to be either cheating on them or bullying them or kicking them out. So, if you find yourself wondering how anyone could turn against such a NICE person, you can probably bet they are NOT such a “nice” person.

4. The See-You-Can-Trust-Me Move

            This is an old-school, but effective deception tool. It involves creating a situation that appears to test a person’s honesty, so they can pass it with flying colors and you’ll be convinced he’s a trustworthy friend.  Example:  you leave the change from your last convenience store purchase out on the table in plain sight. Instead of taking the money, your new ‘friend’ will bring it to your attention that money has been left out and convince you that you should put it away. They will make a point of pointing out how anyone else would’ve taken the money. This is to make you believe that not only can you trust them, but that they actually have your best interests at heart and will protect you from harm.  After this little charade,  you’ll trust him around your valuables and want him to do all your house sitting – making it so much easier for them to take so much more from you. Now, aren’t you glad you know better than to fall for this one?

5. Every Story is a SAT Story – (Sympathy, Admiration, Trust)

            Everything they tell you about themselves is engineered to extract Sympathy, Admiration, or Trust from you. It’s a SAT story. They will present themselves as either the Hero whose selflessness and bravery is to be admired, or the Victim who is somehow treated badly or unfairly.  Just remember that everyone tells SAT stories once in a while. What I’m talking about is recognizing a pattern where practically everything said is hero or victim oriented.  By this time you should be seeing this as the basic theme for his life. They give so much, ask for so little, and yet somehow manage to survive the daily abuse.  Oh yeah, and the abuse isn’t really abuse because (assuming they weren’t actually the abuser) it’s almost always made up or well deserved – which makes it a consequence, which brings us to the next phase of our sociopaths behavior and to our next Red Flag.

6. Consequences Don’t Compute

            At first, this will be confusing to witness because it won’t make sense. Everyone understands consequences, right? I mean, we’ve been trying to avoid them as much as possible our whole lives. We begin learning consequences when we were toddlers and made that first grab for the toy we wanted that a playmate was already playing with. If we didn’t want to be spanked or get a time-out we learned to be patient and to wait our turn.  Yet, somehow, this concept seems to escape the sociopath. They will claim to understand, but remember, they are compulsive liars.  They’ll lie again and again. They promise “it’ll never happen again.”  I’ll tell you, if Vegas took that bet, I would be betting against it every time and making plans to retire early to my own island because I have learned that those words mean only one thing:   it will definitely happen again.  

But, strangely, when they commit the offense again (as predicted), they become enraged that the consequence is there too!  Cause and effect doesn’t seem to make sense to them – BUT ONLY WHEN THEY ARE THE CAUSE. In every other aspect of life it seems to make as much sense to them as it does to you or I. They just don’t see the effects of their actions as being related in any way to the action that caused it. A sociopath will take that toy again and again but will continue to view any consequence as “unfair”, even to the point of believing he is the victim.

Be careful, a sociopath has no problem using his consequences to justify seeking vengeance for his “suffering.”  And since the sociopath is never wrong,  the sociopath will make the same mistakes and bad decisions over and over regardless of the consequences.

7. Temper Tantrums / Sudden Rage

            Even when children have temper tantrums it’s unacceptable. I’m talking about GROWN ASS ADULTS throwing temper tantrums. Yelling, slamming doors, overreacting to everything, causing a scene. I believe this falls under the psychopathic trait labeled “poor behavioral controls” and includes “inadequate control of anger and temper” on Robert Hare’s famous List of Psychopathic Traits.  But in my experience, a sociopath can control his temper as good as anyone; he just wants you to THINK that he can’t so that he won’t be held accountable for his highly disrespectful actions or be held responsible for any of the damage or pain he causes.

 A sociopath USES anger as a tool and as a weapon. In fact, any emotion he pretends to have is actually a tool to manipulate or a weapon to intimidate.  The sociopath will always insists he has good “reasons” to put on such display; all of which involve blaming you and  none are which are EVER true. Basically, they are having a tantrum because they WANT  to. They are very calculating and there is a purpose behind each calculated move. Personally, I suspect that they secretly ENJOY these ridiculous outbursts because it’s fun for them, it makes them feel powerful and good about themselves, and it’s an adrenaline release. Anytime they can get their adrenaline flowing is like an emotional high for them, only without the oxytocin. Oxytocin is the hormone that makes us feel giddy and emotionally closer to someone when it is released. It’s that feeling we get when we are in love, which sociopaths are incapable of.  So adrenaline and testosterone are about the best they can get.  

How do you KNOW it’s NOT legitimate anger? First of all, their display of rage is always disproportionate to the alleged cause because it’s NOT the cause. It’s just a lame excuse. Secondly, there will rarely be any warning. They don’t work up to it. They explode. This is to take you off guard so that you are more easily intimidated.  Remember, that’s the whole point of these sudden rages – to intimidate you. The important thing to remember is that if their anger doesn’t make sense to you and they can’t explain it so that you at least understand why they are angry, then they aren’t angry. They are acting. They are not out of control. Still, their actions will be frightening as they hurl accusations, insults and threats at you. It is NEVER ok for anyone to speak to you with this level of disrespect.  I GUARANTEE that you will always regret it if you do not immediately separate yourself from this person.

Number seven in my list should end there but I feel compelled to tell you exactly what you can expect if you do NOT get out. There’s 2 ways this can go, but they have the same ending. One way is a classic psychopath reaction: nothing. It’s as if nothing happened and you should be unaffected. There’s no apology since he never does anything wrong. You can ask for one but either “he didn’t do anything” or “you made him do it.” He’ll do it again whenever he pleases, especially if he succeeded in intimidating you out of whatever it was he was trying to intimidate you from.  The downward spiral has begun.

The other way is with a very emotional apology using their Emotion Pretending Abilities, engineered to get you to stay. They KNOW they ARE going to do it again – THAT’S WHY THEY WANT YOU TO STAY!! They don’t care that they lie to you. So you stay, promises are made and you think things are better than ever, then it happens again.  This cycle of violence (or threats of) and reconciliation is the basis for most abusive relationships.  Side note:  Your friends and family are only going to be there for you in the beginning, especially if the violence gets physical, so you better get out while you still have a support network to help you work through it.

8. One-sidedness due to Inflated Sense of Self-Worth

            This is one trait that most people recognize right away. One-sidedness is like a slap in the face. It is utterly unfair, deliberately offensive and is intended to make others feel inferior. A grossly inflated view of one's value and a deflated view of everyone else's value is at the core of the sociopath’s disrespect for others.   A sociopath won't let you finish a sentence during an argument -they’ll talk over you, interrupt you, and employ any of a hundred tactics meant to prevent you from saying anything that might make sense and expose them for the Drama Queens and Liars they are. A sociopath has a “win-at-all-costs” attitude including, but not limited to, sacrificing their relationship with you to “win” an argument. In their opinion, which is the only one that matters, they are always RIGHT and you are always WRONG. No compromises. No exceptions.

 Their hypocrisy shows in other ways too. They will lie to you often, but expect total honesty in return. They will demand certain "courtesies" that they’ll refuse to reciprocate. They will try to impose their will on you, proclaiming they have a “right” to wield authority over you while you are “obligated” to submit. They will attempt to force or frighten you into submission. Sociopaths are certain that they can outsmart you and truly believe they are superior to others, and, as such, feel they are naturally entitled to do whatever they want and have their every wish fulfilled, hopefully at someone else’s expense.

They do not acknowledge anyone else’s personal boundaries or respect anyone’s personal space.  Privacy becomes a myth for you while they continue to be secretive. And don’t forget that they will punish YOU for any consequences they “suffer” due to their OWN poor behavior.  It is a double standard that becomes evident fairly early on and should be considered a HUGE red flag.

9. Patterns of Irresponsibility and Financial Recklessness Emerge

            A sociopath sees no reason to fulfill their commitments and obligations. They don’t care about who it affects. They don’t care about anybody except themselves. They only said those things or agreed to those things because that’s what had to be done at the time to get what they wanted. They never had any intention of following through. Integrity is for suckers. They easily break promises. You’ll probably notice that first. They leave a trail of short and shallow relationships behind them. They ignore their children and their children’s children.  They won’t pay bills unless they still need the service, preferring instead to pay up to four times the original amount after their paychecks are garnered by court order. That’s IF they have a legitimate job. Most likely they will avoid any job that doesn’t pay under the table so that they can avoid being held accountable for their financial obligations – including paying child support. They default on loans, max out their credit cards and refuse to file their taxes. They see nothing wrong with any of this. They exhibit no signs of anxiety or fear of incurring extra charges or penalties, of being sued, or even going to jail for, say, nonpayment of taxes . They don’t seem to worry what their employer will think when their wages are garnered or experience any embarrassment like you or I would if people found out what deadbeats they are.

 Most of us would lose sleep or be a nervous wreck if we did even one of these things. In contrast, the sociopath is strangely calm and dare I say, a little proud of themselves for their own rebelliousness. If the sociopath is trying to present himself as a love interest, ignorant and reckless actions such as these  should be considered instant deal breakers. Do not put yourself in a position where YOU become responsible and accountable for his deliberate transgressions.

This list is by no means comprehensive. These Red Flags were compiled from research and experience and are never going to be overlooked or underestimated again by this humble author. Surely, as I continue to evolve, I will add more Red Flags to this list. I also have several other articles planned on this particular subject. So don’t forget to check back often.

Next time I'll give you some News from the world of Psychology that you can use to improve your life today!

Also coming. . . Better Understanding the Items on Hare’s Psychopathic Checklist!