Keywords: sociopath, empathy, conscience, psychopath, deception, honesty, relationships, love, domestic violence, oppression, fear, trust, emotions, common traits, strategies, damage, pain, cheating, lying, liars, pathological liar, antisocial personality disorder, APS, superiority complex, risk-taking, domination, control, ego, pity, friends, family, temper tantrums, rage, abuse, impulse control, impulsive, hypocrite, responsibility, accountability.
Not long ago I promised you all a better explanation of
the psychopathic traits listed on Hare’s Psychopathic Checklist.
Remember, that list is NOT meant as a diagnostic tool for
anyone who has not been FULLY TRAINED TO USE BY THE MAN WHO WROTE IT. It may,
however, help you identify someone you know as a potential
sociopath or psychopath, hopefully saving you from a future filled with lies
and misery. A competent diagnosis can
only be given by a qualified professional though.
As you work through this
list, remember that just because someone you know displays some of these
characteristics does NOT MEAN they are a sociopath. In fact, almost everybody
has at least one or two of the characteristics listed below. The sociopaths I
know exhibit almost ALL of the items listed and to an alarming degree. That’s
what makes them so damn dangerous.
Also, DO NOT CONFRONT ANYONE
YOU SUSPECT OF BEING A PSYCHOPATH!! YOU
MAY WANT TO, BUT REFRAIN for your own safety. A psychopath will NOT admit to it and will
turn anything you say against you. At the very least, you will waste your own
time and energy while annoying the psychopath. Not something I would advise.
And so, here they are, in no
particular order . . .
1.
REJECTS ACCOUNTABILITY – Refuses to
acknowledge any connection between their bad behavior and the resulting pain
and harm the behavior caused. Refuses to accept that they have anything to
apologize for - ever. They believe that whatever they did was
the right thing because they did
it, which makes them right and you wrong – every time.
2.
INFLATED SENSE of SELF-WORTH & ENTITLEMENT -- a grossly inflated
view of one's worth. Self-assured, judgmental, commanding, cocky, a braggart. Demands
"courtesies" from others that he refuses to reciprocate. Sociopaths
are arrogant people who believe they are superior human beings and, as such,
feel they are above reproach and the law.
A Sociopath believes he has the right to do, say, and take what he wants
when he wants and from whom he wants.
3.
GLIB and CHARMING – Very engaging socially when they
want to be, especially if they see a potential victim. They are experts at
finding other people’s vulnerabilities and playing to them. At first, they may
say everything that person wants to hear, making them think they’ve found their
“soul mate.”
4.
PATHOLOGICAL LYING -- Psychopaths are delusional and literally believe
that what they say becomes truth merely
because they say it! This is
one reason why they will never admit to lying, claiming they are “always
honest” and that they “never lie.” For some, the lies mostly serve to boost
their own ego or to appear heroic or "good" in some way. The rest of
their lies will be to extract sympathy or to rationalize their bad
behavior. In extreme form, they are
goal-oriented and therefore will be intentional, premeditated , unscrupulous,
and manipulative. A pathological liar feels more at ease when lying than when
being honest.
5.
SOCIOPATHS DO NOT DISCUSS OR DEBATE; THEY ATTACK -- If
you get suspicious and start digging around, you will find a pattern of
frequent inconsistencies. Confront the suspected sociopath and see what
happens: Either they will lie, lie, lie some more to
try to protect their first lie OR they will try to scare you off the trail by
‘losing’ their temper with an aggressive verbal or physical attack. In
contrast, we could expect an honest person might simply laugh it off and be
happy to help clear up any misinformation or misunderstandings. Aggressive
defensiveness is always a sure sign of a lie being protected. Sadly, this is
one of those traits that is common among people who are NOT sociopaths as well.
6.
SOCIOPATHS SEEK TO DOMINATE OTHERS and "WIN" AT ALL COSTS --
They hate to lose any argument and will viciously defend their web of lies,
even to the point of logical absurdity. They will gladly sacrifice their
relationship with you in their quest to be “right”. They WILL NOT fight fair. They will humiliate
you, abuse you, intimidate you, threaten you, isolate you and worse. Be aware
that it is impossible to reason with a sociopath. So if you think you can avoid
small misunderstandings by simply explaining yourself or talking it out, think
again. Compromise is not an option. They
don’t care what you have to say because listening to you doesn’t serve their
purpose.
7.
LACK
OF REMORSE, SHAME OR GUILT – No conscience means
a total
disregard for the losses, pain, and suffering of their victims - or anyone else for that matter. A deep seated
rage is at their core, which prevents them from being able to see others around them as people. They see
only targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims, and accomplices
who end up as victims. They will never give a sincere apology; they’ll never
fix or replace anything they break; and in no way will they EVER willingly
‘make up’ for any wrong doing, because from their perspective they never do
anything wrong. One thing about a
psychopath though is that they can fake emotions like remorse and compassion rather
convincingly if it’ll benefit them.
8.
INCAPABLE OF LOVE - Sociopaths are entirely self-serving. They
are always their own first priority no matter what. Their second, third and
fourth priorities are also themselves. They are masters of denial and
pathological liars as well so they will pretend to feel
love only when it serves their purpose. But they don't actually FEEL love in
the way that you or I do in that they don’t care about anyone’s health,
happiness or well-being nor do they hold anyone else in any regard. In my experience, the sociopath often uses the
word ‘love’ to describe their desire to control and possess.
9.
CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF
EMPATHY –Lacks
feelings toward people in general. When they are not faking or luring, they are
cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate, and tactless. They may have very few
friends, if any, and tend to alienate family too. Sometimes they do things for
others that appear generous, but their reasons are
always selfish. They are completely unable to empathize with the pain of their
victims, having only contempt for others and readily taking advantage of them.
10. INABILITY TO FORM INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS – Lacks many characteristics needed to form
close relationships including honesty, empathy, interest in their partner's
thoughts and feelings, respect anyone’s boundaries or personal space – all the while proclaiming his constant show of respect and love.
Breaks promises, becomes abusive and controlling, refuses any form of
compromise, resists attempts to understand each other, responds with disproportionate
anger, refuses to "make up" for any hurt inflicted, but expects full
forgiveness without offering any meaningful apology. Has highly unrealistic
expectations.
11. POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROL -- expressions of irritability,
annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate
control of anger and temper; acting hastily with no forethought or
consideration of impending consequences.
** Note: This particular item is on every psychologist list of psychopathic traits so I’ve included it even though I do NOT agree that they are not in COMPLETE control of what little emotion they have. That they can’t control themselves is just another lie and an excuse to behave badly. That it has made the list is further testament to the sociopath’s ability to deceive even seasoned professionals.
** Note: This particular item is on every psychologist list of psychopathic traits so I’ve included it even though I do NOT agree that they are not in COMPLETE control of what little emotion they have. That they can’t control themselves is just another lie and an excuse to behave badly. That it has made the list is further testament to the sociopath’s ability to deceive even seasoned professionals.
12. EARLY BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS / JUVENILE DELINQUENCY – A history of bad
behaviors beginning prior to age 13, including lying, theft, cheating,
vandalism, bullying, sexual activity, fire-setting, glue-sniffing, alcohol use,
and running away from home. Usually has a history of
behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning
others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as
cruelty to people or animals, etc.
13. IMPULSIVE – described as behaviors that (seemingly) are
unpremeditated and lack reflection, logic or planning; (apparent)
inability to resist temptation, frustrations, and urges; (appears)
to not understand or acknowledge consequences; (presumably)
foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic, and reckless. Actions often directly contradict
stated goals, which only highlights the extent of their dishonesty.
**Note: Words in parenthesis are my additions to express my skepticism. As with #10, I do NOT believe for one second that these chronic liars who frequently fake emotions and refuse to accept accountability are not in complete control of their actions and reactions. This is just another lie. I’ve seen sociopaths emphatically claim to not be able to control their temper, yet somehow they are able to quit their smoking by half that same week, which takes considerable self-control. Plus, they don’t ‘lose control’ with just anybody – only certain people, like their partner. The fact that this item made the list created by experts in this field further demonstrates the sociopaths master ability to deceive convincingly. IMHO
**Note: Words in parenthesis are my additions to express my skepticism. As with #10, I do NOT believe for one second that these chronic liars who frequently fake emotions and refuse to accept accountability are not in complete control of their actions and reactions. This is just another lie. I’ve seen sociopaths emphatically claim to not be able to control their temper, yet somehow they are able to quit their smoking by half that same week, which takes considerable self-control. Plus, they don’t ‘lose control’ with just anybody – only certain people, like their partner. The fact that this item made the list created by experts in this field further demonstrates the sociopaths master ability to deceive convincingly. IMHO
14. IRRESPONSIBLE / UNRELIABLE -- repeated failure to fulfill or
honor obligations and commitments; such as not paying bills, refusing to file
taxes, performing sloppy work, habitually breaking promises, etc. Oblivious or
indifferent to the devastation these behaviors cause to others. Does not accept
blame, but blames others, even for acts they obviously
committed. In their mind, any undesirable results are someone else’s fault.
15. INSINCERE, SHALLOW or FAKED EMOTIONS - Feelings and emotions related to
bonding like warmth, joy, love, gratitude, concern or compassion are always mimicked
rather than genuine and always serve a selfish ulterior motive. They rarely cry, and never for someone else,
only for selfish reasons, like frustration when someone beats them at their own
game. Remember, a genuine cry will produce actual tears and mucus, “If there’s not a lot of snot, then
crying they are not.”
16. GLIB and SUPERFICIAL CHARM -
They
are experts at pretending to be charming and interesting when it serves their
purpose. Often the life of the party. they can become suddenly friendly,
flattering, attentive and engaging to ingratiate their potential victims in
order to get what they want out of them.
17. SPONTANEOUS, INTENSE RISK-TAKERS - Since they cannot feel love, they also
never feel that amazingly euphoric rush that comes from being in love. That
feeling gives us energy and makes us ridiculously happy and giddy. An adrenaline rush is the next logical pursuit
in a sociopath’s attempt to ‘feel alive’, compelling them to take
life-threatening risks, live on the edge and indulge in conflict-seeking
behavior. Initially, this quality can seem fun and memorable, but soon becomes
worrisome and reckless.
18. HISTORY of FAILED RELATIONSHIPS – A sociopath can snag ‘em, but s/he
can’t KEEP ‘em. As soon as the Honeymoon
Phase is over, their true selves begin to emerge and most people are not
willing to stick around just to be someone’s emotional chew toy. Besides, a
sociopath is NOT a faithful lover, and will soon begin new adulterous
relationships. The sooner the partner leaves, the better for the partner.
19. DOES ONE THING, SAYS ANOTHER -- Once he has your trust, things will take a
drastic turn. He does things that go completely contrary to the very ideals and
morals he claims to live by. This is to confuse you. Confusion is a form of
mental torture so this is where it starts to get fun for him. Plus, if you are
confused you are easier to control.
20. ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR -- Rage and abuse,
alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive
cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. They
seek out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated,
condoned, or admired. Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim.
21. INGRATITUDE -- Will not acknowledge any
special considerations, kindness, thoughtfulness or trust given by others. Expects to receive certain considerations that they will deny
receiving and will refuse to reciprocate.
I hope that helps to demystify the psychopath, at least
for some you. This information was compiled from numerous sources, including
the web, magazine articles, books and psychiatric journals as well as my own
experience. If I have used anyone’s protected content inappropriately, please
let me know and I will either give it proper credit or remove it if desired.
