Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Explanation of Common Psychopathic Traits


Keywords: sociopath, empathy, conscience, psychopath, deception, honesty, relationships, love, domestic violence, oppression, fear, trust, emotions, common traits, strategies, damage, pain, cheating, lying, liars, pathological liar, antisocial personality disorder, APS, superiority complex, risk-taking, domination, control, ego, pity, friends, family, temper tantrums, rage, abuse, impulse control, impulsive, hypocrite, responsibility, accountability.

Not long ago I promised you all a better explanation of the psychopathic traits listed on Hare’s Psychopathic Checklist.

Remember, that list is NOT meant as a diagnostic tool for anyone who has not been FULLY TRAINED TO USE BY THE MAN WHO WROTE IT. It may, however, help you identify someone you know as a potential sociopath or psychopath, hopefully saving you from a future filled with lies and misery.  A competent diagnosis can only be given by a qualified professional though.

As you work through this list, remember that just because someone you know displays some of these characteristics does NOT MEAN they are a sociopath. In fact, almost everybody has at least one or two of the characteristics listed below. The sociopaths I know exhibit almost ALL of the items listed and to an alarming degree. That’s what makes them so damn dangerous.

Also, DO NOT CONFRONT ANYONE YOU SUSPECT OF BEING A PSYCHOPATH!!  YOU MAY WANT TO, BUT REFRAIN for your own safety.  A psychopath will NOT admit to it and will turn anything you say against you. At the very least, you will waste your own time and energy while annoying the psychopath. Not something I would advise.  

And so, here they are, in no particular order . . .

1.    REJECTS ACCOUNTABILITY – Refuses to acknowledge any connection between their bad behavior and the resulting pain and harm the behavior caused. Refuses to accept that they have anything to apologize for - ever. They believe that whatever they did was the right thing because they did it, which makes them right and you wrong – every time.
2.    INFLATED SENSE of  SELF-WORTH & ENTITLEMENT -- a grossly inflated view of one's worth. Self-assured, judgmental, commanding, cocky, a braggart. Demands "courtesies" from others that he refuses to reciprocate. Sociopaths are arrogant people who believe they are superior human beings and, as such, feel they are above reproach and the law.  A Sociopath believes he has the right to do, say, and take what he wants when he wants and from whom he wants. 
3.    GLIB  and CHARMING – Very engaging socially when they want to be, especially if they see a potential victim. They are experts at finding other people’s vulnerabilities and playing to them. At first, they may say everything that person wants to hear, making them think they’ve found their “soul mate.”
4.    PATHOLOGICAL LYING -- Psychopaths are delusional and literally believe that what they say becomes truth merely because they say it!  This is one reason why they will never admit to lying, claiming they are “always honest” and that they “never lie.” For some, the lies mostly serve to boost their own ego or to appear heroic or "good" in some way. The rest of their lies will be to extract sympathy or to rationalize their bad behavior.  In extreme form, they are goal-oriented and therefore will be intentional, premeditated , unscrupulous, and manipulative. A pathological liar feels more at ease when lying than when being honest.
5.    SOCIOPATHS DO NOT DISCUSS OR DEBATE; THEY ATTACK -- If you get suspicious and start digging around, you will find a pattern of frequent inconsistencies. Confront the suspected sociopath and see what happens:  Either they will lie, lie, lie some more to try to protect their first lie OR they will try to scare you off the trail by ‘losing’ their temper with an aggressive verbal or physical attack. In contrast, we could expect an honest person might simply laugh it off and be happy to help clear up any misinformation or misunderstandings. Aggressive defensiveness is always a sure sign of a lie being protected. Sadly, this is one of those traits that is common among people who are NOT sociopaths as well.
6.    SOCIOPATHS SEEK TO DOMINATE OTHERS and "WIN" AT ALL COSTS -- They hate to lose any argument and will viciously defend their web of lies, even to the point of logical absurdity. They will gladly sacrifice their relationship with you in their quest to be “right”.  They WILL NOT fight fair. They will humiliate you, abuse you, intimidate you, threaten you, isolate you and worse. Be aware that it is impossible to reason with a sociopath. So if you think you can avoid small misunderstandings by simply explaining yourself or talking it out, think again.  Compromise is not an option. They don’t care what you have to say because listening to you doesn’t serve their purpose. 
7.    LACK OF REMORSE, SHAME OR GUILT – No conscience means a  total disregard for the losses, pain, and suffering of their victims -  or anyone else for that matter. A deep seated rage is at their core, which prevents them from being able to  see others around them as people. They see only targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims, and accomplices who end up as victims. They will never give a sincere apology; they’ll never fix or replace anything they break; and in no way will they EVER willingly ‘make up’ for any wrong doing, because from their perspective they never do anything wrong.  One thing about a psychopath though is that they can fake emotions like remorse and compassion rather convincingly if it’ll benefit them.
8.    INCAPABLE OF LOVE -  Sociopaths are entirely self-serving. They are always their own first priority no matter what. Their second, third and fourth priorities are also themselves. They are masters of denial and pathological liars as well so they will pretend to feel love only when it serves their purpose. But they don't actually FEEL love in the way that you or I do in that they don’t care about anyone’s health, happiness or well-being nor do they hold anyone else in any regard.  In my experience, the sociopath often uses the word ‘love’ to describe their desire to control and possess. 
9.    CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY –Lacks feelings toward people in general. When they are not faking or luring, they are cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate, and tactless. They may have very few friends, if any, and tend to alienate family too. Sometimes they do things for others that appear generous, but their reasons are always selfish. They are completely unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others and readily taking advantage of them.
10. INABILITY TO FORM INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS   Lacks many characteristics needed to form close relationships including honesty, empathy, interest in their partner's thoughts and feelings, respect anyone’s boundaries or personal space – all the while proclaiming his constant show of respect and love. Breaks promises, becomes abusive and controlling, refuses any form of compromise, resists attempts to understand each other, responds with disproportionate anger, refuses to "make up" for any hurt inflicted, but expects full forgiveness without offering any meaningful apology. Has highly unrealistic expectations.
11.  POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROL -- expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper; acting hastily with no forethought or consideration of impending consequences.   

** Note: This particular item is on every psychologist list of psychopathic traits so I’ve included it even though I do NOT agree that they are not in COMPLETE control of what little emotion they have. That they can’t control themselves is just another lie and an excuse to behave badly.  That it has made the list is further testament to the sociopath’s ability to deceive even seasoned professionals.
12. EARLY BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS / JUVENILE DELINQUENCY – A history of bad behaviors beginning prior to age 13, including lying, theft, cheating, vandalism, bullying, sexual activity, fire-setting, glue-sniffing, alcohol use, and running away from home.  Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, etc.
13.  IMPULSIVE – described as behaviors that (seemingly) are unpremeditated and lack reflection, logic or planning; (apparent) inability to resist temptation, frustrations, and urges; (appears) to not understand or acknowledge consequences; (presumably) foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic, and reckless. Actions often directly contradict stated goals, which only highlights the extent of their dishonesty. 

**Note: Words in parenthesis are my additions to express my skepticism. As with #10, I do NOT believe for one second that these chronic liars who frequently fake emotions and refuse to accept accountability are not in complete control of their actions and reactions. This is just another lie. I’ve seen sociopaths emphatically claim to not be able to control their temper, yet somehow they are able to quit their smoking by half that same week, which takes considerable self-control. Plus, they don’t ‘lose control’ with just anybody – only certain people, like their partner. The fact that this item made the list created by experts in this field further demonstrates the sociopaths master ability to deceive convincingly. IMHO
14. IRRESPONSIBLE / UNRELIABLE -- repeated failure to fulfill or honor obligations and commitments; such as not paying bills, refusing to file taxes, performing sloppy work, habitually breaking promises, etc. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation these behaviors cause to others. Does not accept blame, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed. In their mind, any undesirable results are someone else’s fault.
15. INSINCERE, SHALLOW or FAKED EMOTIONS -  Feelings and emotions related to bonding like warmth, joy, love, gratitude, concern or compassion are always mimicked rather than genuine and always serve a selfish ulterior motive.  They rarely cry, and never for someone else, only for selfish reasons, like frustration when someone beats them at their own game. Remember, a genuine cry will produce actual tears and mucus, “If there’s not a lot of snot, then crying they are not.”
16. GLIB and SUPERFICIAL CHARM -  They are experts at pretending to be charming and interesting when it serves their purpose. Often the life of the party. they can become suddenly friendly, flattering, attentive and engaging to ingratiate their potential victims in order to get what they want out of them.
17. SPONTANEOUS, INTENSE RISK-TAKERS -  Since they cannot feel love, they also never feel that amazingly euphoric rush that comes from being in love. That feeling gives us energy and makes us ridiculously happy and giddy.  An adrenaline rush is the next logical pursuit in a sociopath’s attempt to ‘feel alive’, compelling them to take life-threatening risks, live on the edge and indulge in conflict-seeking behavior. Initially, this quality can seem fun and memorable, but soon becomes worrisome and reckless.  
18. HISTORY of FAILED RELATIONSHIPS – A sociopath can snag ‘em, but s/he can’t KEEP ‘em.  As soon as the Honeymoon Phase is over, their true selves begin to emerge and most people are not willing to stick around just to be someone’s emotional chew toy. Besides, a sociopath is NOT a faithful lover, and will soon begin new adulterous relationships. The sooner the partner leaves, the better for the partner.
19. DOES ONE THING, SAYS ANOTHER --  Once he has your trust, things will take a drastic turn. He does things that go completely contrary to the very ideals and morals he claims to live by. This is to confuse you. Confusion is a form of mental torture so this is where it starts to get fun for him. Plus, if you are confused you are easier to control.
20. ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR --  Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. They seek out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired. Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim.
21. INGRATITUDE --   Will not acknowledge any special considerations, kindness, thoughtfulness or trust given by others. Expects to receive certain considerations that they will deny receiving and will refuse to reciprocate. 
I hope that helps to demystify the psychopath, at least for some you. This information was compiled from numerous sources, including the web, magazine articles, books and psychiatric journals as well as my own experience. If I have used anyone’s protected content inappropriately, please let me know and I will either give it proper credit or remove it if desired.

Why More Dentists Should Participate in Denti-Cal Program

As of May 1st of this year - 2014 - residents of California, who meet certain criteria, are now eligible for dental coverage under the Medi-Cal program. Children and pregnant women have been the only ones with dental coverage since 2007 when most adults were dropped from the program. But, thanks to a bill signed into law by Governor Jerry Brown, approximately 1.6 million adults are now covered again.

I'm one of those adults. Back in March, in anticipation of the new benefits to start in May, I called the only dental office in my area that is accepting new Medi-Cal patients to make an appointment to fix a cavity in one of my top molars.

The soonest they could get me in to see a dentist was July 11th.

So, after waiting four months for an appointment, I drove more than 30 miles to be there early. By this time, my cavity was a hole. Every time I chew on that side, food gets packed into the hole. It's uncomfortable to say the least.

But that wasn't my only problem.They took eighteen x-rays of my teeth with that thing they stick in my mouth and they tell me to bite down on it while they take the pictures as it cuts into the roof of my mouth with it's  square corners, bruising the roof of my mouth.

Anyway, as it turned out, by the time I able to see the dentist, I needed 7 fillings, a root canal and a crown.

But, root canals and crowns are only covered for front teeth - not molars. I could pay to have it done somewhere else or come back first thing in the morning anytime during the week and have it extracted for free. I was hoping to avoid losing any more teeth but, unfortunately, I don't have $1200 laying around nor do I expect to in the near future..

But instead of focusing on what couldn't be done, I decided to find out what could be done. She told me that they could make me another appointment to come back and get a filling done.
A filling? One filling??
Apparently, their policy is to do one filling per visit, but the first visit is just x-rays and an exam. Great.
So, after 4 months of waiting for an appointment, I wasn't going to be able to get any work done on my teeth.

It gets worse. Since they are the only dentist in a 50 mile radius taking Denti-Cal patients, their schedule is booked solid until October. This is July. I called in March. So I asked the dentist, "Won't my x-rays be out-of-date by then?"  Somehow she didn't think so.  "So why didn't we just use my x-rays from last year when I was here so we could use this appointment to fix my teeth?"

She thought I was trying to be funny. Whatever.
Back at the receptionist's desk I am told I can only make 2 appointments at a time. So, I ask for my next two appointments. As expected, the soonest they can get me in is October. But they'll only give me ONE in October. My second appointment, she tells me, is in March. MARCH!
But it gets worse.
Apparently, the March appointment is for a cleaning! I NEED FILLINGS! That's a full year from when I called for an appointment in the first place! So what's the chances that my x-rays will still be usable by the time they get around to doing my second filling?  Which means my 3rd appointment will have to be x-rays again.


At this rate, it'll take about 4 - 5 years to get all the fillings I need. Unfortunately, we live in a world where teeth continue to decay until they are fixed. What is the point of having coverage if you can''t get anything done in a timely manner?

I don't blame Obama for this problem. At least he tried to get help for all of us poor people who don't matter to the Republicans. Maybe if the Republicans could be more focused on how they could help make the system more usable for the citizens of this country, instead of spending all their time and energy on on how to derail Obama and make him look bad every chance they get, maybe - just maybe - this whole experience wouldn't have to feel so futile.

It's frustrating enough that I work two jobs and still can't make enough to pay for my necessities. But it's nothing compared to the frustration of being treated like I don't deserve decent health care. Apparently, decent health care is only for the greedy bastards who have screwed the rest of the country over to make their millions - or who were elected to Congress.
(Except my congressional representative, Lois Capps. She's fabulous and truly a representative of the people.)

Anyone who claims America has the "best healthcare system in the world," as I have heard Republicans claim time and time again on FOX News, is completely DELUSIONAL! We have got to vote out the Republicans if we are going to have ANY CHANCE at improving our quality of life in this country!! Their mindset is outdated and dangerous to the citizens of this country. Ideology should NEVER trump the well-being of decent, hard-working Americans like you and me.

Monday, July 7, 2014

How to: Tame Restless Leg Syndrome

By Amy Orlauski

First, let me say right up front that I AM NOT TRYING TO SELL YOU ANYTHING in this post. I do not sell anything related to anything I say in this post. I'm just sharing what I've learned.

Restless Leg Syndrome affects quite a lot of people, and one of the worst consequences of this condition that it can greatly affect a person's ability to fall asleep and/or stay asleep.

If you do NOT suffer from Restless Leg Syndrome, then you probably make fun of people who do.   
It's understandable. It's a relatively new term, which is a little suspicious considering Restless Leg Syndrome sounds like a condition that was made-up so that sedentary people could plausibly rationalize their aversion to activity.

Ignorant, huh?  I remember thinking, "Why don't they go for a walk or something? Obviously their legs are trying to tell them that they NEED to MOVE."  And I marveled at the lengths to which people will go to avoid having to take responsibility for something as mundane as a little pent up energy.

But that was before.
Before I started experiencing a very uncomfortable reaction to a medication I was taking that included uncontrollable muscle movements - that's the side effect that the commercials say to "contact a doctor about right away as these can become permanent."
Now I get it.

If you suffer from Restless Leg Syndrome, you know how it can drive a person half crazy, especially at bedtime. The leg shaking is annoying enough, but it's that feeling that BUILDS UP to it that can really feel like torture.

The best way I can think to describe the feeling is to compare it to a bad itch. At first when you scratch it, you feel a sense of relief. So you stop scratching. But almost immediately, the itch returns and you feel the need to scratch again. Pretty soon you have to start worrying about damaging your skin, so you try to resist the urge but it refuses to go away or be ignored. Next thing you know, you are scratching again. You can't help it.

Well, that's what Restless Leg Syndrome feels like - to me, anyway. I don't think I get it as bad as a lot of people do though, so their (or your) experience may be different. Regardless, I think this DRUG-FREE TREATMENT could help most of you - and it's so easy.

So I thought I would share.

I have found a  very reliable and very soothing way to control my symptoms when they begin to bother me. I have one of those back massage pads that  unrolls to about 3 -4 feet long with 8 little vibrating motors running the length of it. I roll it up loosely and tuck it under my knees and turn it on. The vibrating motors instantly have a soothing effect. Then it's just a matter of adjusting the controls for maximum benefit. Most, if not all, of these are equipped with a safety shut-off feature, so if you fall asleep with it on, you don't have to worry. It's turns itself off automatically after a few minutes. Mine is made by Homemedic and I have had it for about 4 or 5 years. I don't expect it to last much longer though because I use it practically every night and finally the little motors are beginning to die.

If you have Restless Leg Syndrome, investing in one of these massaging pads will change your life!  Try it.